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February 19, 2014

Art is not yours, It is you- Vertigo

Everything you create is your baby. Artists must nurture their art – enough so that it is not underdeveloped, but not so much that they no longer feel a connection to the final product. We see so much music being shared that it is easy to let a good musician slip through the cracks and get lost in rubble of premature art.

Although I see the positive nature in everyone putting out their thoughts and ideas, I also see a trend rising in which people demand instant fame. There is a balance between hard work and talent that must exist before fame. However, with the media it seems easy to get the fame without having much of either. Thus, I have intentionally kept my singing a secret up until this past weekend, when I had the chance to perform with an amazing band and close friends. I have not been on stage in years. Last time I was on stage I was doing Spoken Word poetry. This time I was finally able to sing. I am glad that I was able to do so now that I know myself as an individual. Although art is a great tool for finding yourself, in order for others to connect with your final product you must already have a strong sense of self.

One of the amazing musicians I had a chance to perform with this weekend was Marko Kocic, also known as Vertigo, the Fly Writer. Marko is someone who has used art to grow as a person, and is now using it to show the world a version of himself that can only be “seen” through music. Vertigo is a 24 year old musician of Yugoslavian descent who was born in Germany and raised in Brooklyn. He views the world in a different light and it shines through in everything that he does. Vertigo does not only rap, but he edits and creates the covers for his music as well. Everything that is put out by Vertigo is Vertigo. He knows who he is and is not willing to change that for anything in the world.

Fly Writer first began his art transformation through drawing. He always knew how to put himself into his drawings; the challenge was putting himself into his music:

(Marko Kocic-2013)

“I had already long been able to put “me” in my drawings, but had not discovered that with rapping. And while I was obsessed with rapping, I was not as much “me” in the raps as in my drawings. I think I have finally found a balance that I am proud of.”

The purpose of art is not fame. The purpose of art is putting a core version of who you are out into the world. We all want to be immortal, but being immortal does not mean to be recognized physically by many people. Being immortal means being able to put yourself – your true self – out into the world so that your ideas live on. Art is who you truly are. It is what stays once the body is gone. In order to achieve this, you must know yourself. For a long time Vertigo knew that he loved to rap. But growing up with immigrant parents and being a white rapper added extra pressure. For a while, this pressure caused him to create music that was not fully him. It is through this personal growth that he now is able to effortlessly put music out that he can be proud of.

“I never really released anything at first, I did not feel comfortable because it wasn’t completely honest with myself, but I think I realized at some point that I really not only wanted to rap, but I could do so, and still be honest, 100% real.”

Vertigo is currently working on several projects. He has just released an EP and Single with over 2,000 (real) views on youtube. He also works with Nicklelodeon and SNL, with editing and as a production assistant, and has combined his love of music, editing and art by creating album covers for himself and his fellow rappers.

(Album cover for Spade created by Marko Kocic)

“With my art, there is not really one specific message I want to communicate. I want to “say” me. I want my music to be a sound version of who I am. I think all great artists, their art is the pure form of themselves, you can tell a lot about who they are, at their core, from their music. Not from any specific set of words or notes in it, but from the vibe as a whole. I want to be able to do that, for someone to hear my music and be like “oh, now I know that guy, and where he is coming from.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u__UktA5Aqg

More info on Vertigo Fly Writer:

Bandcamp:Flywriter.bandcamp.com

FB:https://www.facebook.com/theflywriter

YouTube channel: http://www.youtube.com/mk3verti

February 12, 2014

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They thank me … Then I block them

I am redefining myself and conquering my fears. In doing so I have found that I am afraid of reaching my true potential. I have letters from people who I have helped out in huge ways. Not all have written letters and I have not admitted this before, but I feel that everyone who gets close to me has to be a better person than when they first meet me. It is my way of making an impact. I have always been an unintentional leader, because I have never felt pressured nor found it difficult to make decisions. However, when people follow I freeze. I am no longer close to the people who I have helped. In a way I feel that they have taken a part of me with them.

In the 6^th grade my teacher made up the common sense award just for me. It was a giant penny. Get it? Get it? It was very funny back in the 6^th grade. I was also a very quiet child and found that when I made a statement, I would get ridiculed while others would copy me weeks later. This has made me afraid of losing a part of myself to others. I’ve always wanted to be a voice, but although imitation is the sincerest form of flattery I somehow feel taken aback by it. I want to be able to guide others on their individual journey through life, not become a literal example. People need to understand that one cannot use the same products and follow the same routines as another and expect the same results. I find it life’s cruel joke that I now live with someone who copies things that I say and purchase. It is teaching me to understand my own soul. It has taught me that I am not my body; I am not even my mind, what I am is something that cannot be taken away from me. What I am is my soul.

(photo from:http://www.energybasedhealth.com/findursoul/)

I am on the verge of becoming who I truly wish to be and I have not trademarked myself yet. I would like for others to light their candle in my flame, but I also see that my flame is still growing and my candle has been lit for quite some time. I do not want my flame to light the path of others while my wax runs out. Spiritually I am almost to a point where I will no longer care for what others decide to copy from me. As an artist, however I find it disrespectful to have qualities and traits imitated without a true incentive. It is a fight between my ego and my spirit.

Until I stop fearing the inevitable I will not be able to rise to my full potential. I will always have things to say. Even as a quiet 5th grade valedictorian, I had things to say. Always have and always will. The consequences to my actions are that one day people will listen. The literal copying of the products I buy and the things I say I will never feel comfortable with, but I have learned to distance myself from that. One day nothing will harm me. Until then I must accept my fears and discomforts.

I am not my body, I am not even my mind…. and neither are you.

February 5, 2014

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This is the Way I Was Created…With Tiny Chubby Hands.

Years ago I finally had enough money to buy myself a bass. My fist obstacle was the fact that I barely had time for myself with full time school and work. However, I managed to get some practice in. My second obstacle was not having an actual space to practice in. When I lived with my parents I lived in a place of constant chaotic noise. Now that I have a place of my own and a little more time I am able to finally pick up by bass and practice. Although I have had it for a couple of years now I am a complete beginner. As of now all I have is my special way of remembering notes.

Every

Asshole

Drinks

Grey goose

( I actually believe that Most Assholes Drink Grey goose, but M notes do not exist )

Now that I no longer have an excuse as to why I shouldn’t be learning the bass I have come to one I cannot change. And for the life of me didn’t know why I hadn’t made this excuse up until now.

Watching talented bass players on stage, I look down at my hands and realize how chubby they are.

This is the way I was created… with tiny chubby hands.

(not actual hands)

My fingers can barely wrap around a toy instrument like the ukulele. Sorry guys, but I have no respect for tiny instruments unless you are a tiny child. Even I Ms.Tiny Chubby Hands cannot understand the fascination. Anyhow, now I realize what I have been doing this entire time. I am so afraid of failing that I have come up with excuses as to why I am not good at something that I love. I am afraid of losing my dream so badly that I have not gone full speed into accomplishing it.

(I’ve had this up on my wall for years. Its about time I pay attention)

After creating this absurd excuse I realized what I was subconsciously doing this entire time. All of my other excuses had solutions. Now that I have no actual excuse I have made one up in which I no longer have power over. I believe I can do a lot of things, but changing the size of my hands is not one of them.

(Unless I wave my hands in front of this while it is set to reverse)

Even if my chubby hands were an excuse, it still would not be a good one. Who creates laws that allow some to do something and others not to? Why is a swimmers body the way that it is? I am sure babies are not born with long legs and short torsos and thrown into the pool. Why is it that in a family of short people when a kid plays basketball during their growth spurts they become taller? It is the science of intentions. It is the reason why great skaters are able to use their boards as a 6^th sense. If you love something enough and not inhibit yourself, your body will adapt. Through evolution humans have been able to walk, hear, talk, grab..etc. Maybe the next stage of evolution is how we individually connect with our art.

This is not to say that I believe my fingers will one day become longer, but through practice I will find a way to hold my long neck bass as if I was born with it. I just have to accept things I cannot change,not use them as a crutch.

I will no longer hide my bass. I hope that someday soon when people ask me what I do I can say that I not only write and sing, but I can also play.

( play something more than video games that is )

January 29, 2014

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Earth porn is for virgins

Four years ago while working 14 hr shifts and going to a university full time I decided to write out my bucket list. I wrote it with the knowledge that if I were to ever do something I wanted I would have to know beforehand. I would have to know months beforehand. I have to know what my heart will want in the next 6 months to a year, because otherwise I might not be able to afford my dreams. Dreams cost money and they take planning. I learned this at a very young age that if I am to ever do something the only person I would be able to rely on was me.

I remember being in the fifth grade and my parents wouldn’t let me go on a school trip to meet my then pen pal in long island. They, like many parents coming from a poor country did not understand the idea of field trips. All day I stayed home, bawling my eyes out and googling travel. The first thing that would come up on the search engine was the Travel channels main website. There I saw all of the places I will most likely die without ever being able to see. Heck, even Long Island was off-limits at that time so what made me think that I would get close to the Amazon rain forest? Although I can appreciate the beauty in the world my longing for it is too grand to contain. I cannot watch earth porn without wanting to go. So far I have gone to Spain, Germany (twice), Amsterdam, Puerto Rico, Dominican Republic, Canada and just last week I came back from Jamaica. All of these trips I have fully paid for and planned. But I cannot see another picture of the Bolivia salt flats, the beautiful waters of Turkey and the festivals of Brazil without planning the day when I will be able to see it for myself.

I have found a balance between planning and spontaneity, but for the time being I have way too many dreams that cannot be put on hold. So every day I take some time for all of them. Just like in school, you have a segment per subject once I get home I have segments of my time dedicated to each individual dream.

Earth porn is for virgins. Although there is so much more I wish to see and do. I do not fantasize one minute without planning to see it for myself. In middle school when walking home with a group of friends one of my bits was to chase after runners yelling, “My mama told me to chase after my dreams!” Although that statement is far from true, I knew from an early age that as parental units come in all quantities and shapes I would add myself to that list and become my largest influence. So in a way, yes my mama did tell me to chase after my dreams and her voice is only getting louder.

December 18, 2013

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Its Not Crazy if it’s what You Love

I thought that by this age I would make something of myself like a dominatrix or a bartender.
Life did not pan out the way I planned it seems…..

When I was 16 years old I was watching the world’s greatest Flarer on the food channel. I knew that very moment that I wanted to spin bottles and do it well. The broken remotes and shattered umbrellas were proof that I enjoyed the act of spinning objects.

Once I purchased my plastic practice bottles the rest was easy. Within a few days I already had a few tricks down. Now that I think of it, I never wanted to be a bartender. However, I always wanted to be a flarer. I am not a huge alcohol drinker, although I do love spinning bottles. But what is a trick without a trade? So thus I wanted to be a bartender, but not many NYC bars encourage flaring. NYC bars are usually cramped, much like their apartments; there is no space for spinning bottles. My friends thought that I wanted to be a bartender, because it’s a cool thing to be. I just wanted to do something that I loved.

Here I am a few years back spinning in very poor quality video.

The dominatrix thing was something that I thought about seriously for a short time. Much like the bartending, I did not want to do it, because I thought it was cool or edgy, it is simply a part of me. I just wanted to do something that I loved. You see, when I was younger I always dated guys who were aggressive inline skaters, BMX riders or skateboarders. I didn’t date them, because I thought it was cool. I mostly dated them, because every time they fell I thought it was cute….. Actually i thought it was hot. As an adult you don’t see men getting hurt with the same look of pleasure as when they are younger or involved in an x-treme sport. It was the look in their eyes when they fell of both pleasure from doing what they love and pain from falling that drove me crazy. Guys involved in an extreme sport are also a bit masochistic by nature.

(dayummmmmm)

All I wanted and still want to do are things that I love. Much like the extreme skaters do what they love. Is that so bad of me?

Instead here I am. Rather than serving drinks, hitting men and doing other things that could be making me happy and allow me to survive here I sit helping people get their lovely products on time.

Although my job requires me to speak to people what I really want is to connect; Even if it is with the drunk and the sexually perverted. I want to connect with people who have fully had their guard down.

Or just do what I love….