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Its Not Crazy if it’s what You Love


I thought that by this age I would make something of myself like a dominatrix or a bartender.
Life did not pan out the way I planned it seems…..

When I was 16 years old I was watching the world’s greatest Flarer on the food channel. I knew that very moment that I wanted to spin bottles and do it well. The broken remotes and shattered umbrellas were proof that I enjoyed the act of spinning objects.


Once I purchased my plastic practice bottles the rest was easy. Within a few days I already had a few tricks down. Now that I think of it, I never wanted to be a bartender. However, I always wanted to be a flarer. I am not a huge alcohol drinker, although I do love spinning bottles. But what is a trick without a trade? So thus I wanted to be a bartender, but not many NYC bars encourage flaring. NYC bars are usually cramped, much like their apartments; there is no space for spinning bottles. My friends thought that I wanted to be a bartender, because it’s a cool thing to be. I just wanted to do something that I loved.

Here I am a few years back spinning in very poor quality video.


The dominatrix thing was something that I thought about seriously for a short time. Much like the bartending, I did not want to do it, because I thought it was cool or edgy, it is simply a part of me. I just wanted to do something that I loved. You see, when I was younger I always dated guys who were aggressive inline skaters, BMX riders or skateboarders. I didn’t date them, because I thought it was cool. I mostly dated them, because every time they fell I thought it was cute….. Actually i thought it was hot. As an adult you don’t see men getting hurt with the same look of pleasure as when they are younger or involved in an x-treme sport. It was the look in their eyes when they fell of both pleasure from doing what they love and pain from falling that drove me crazy. Guys involved in an extreme sport are also a bit masochistic by nature.


All I wanted and still want to do are things that I love. Much like the extreme skaters do what they love. Is that so bad of me?

Instead here I am. Rather than serving drinks, hitting men and doing other things that could be making me happy and allow me to survive here I sit helping people get their lovely products on time.

Although my job requires me to speak to people what I really want is to connect; Even if it is with the drunk and the sexually perverted. I want to connect with people who have fully had their guard down.

Or just do what I love….

1 Comment so far

  1. Pingback: Its Not Crazy if it’s what You Love | quartervidacrisis.

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