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October 30, 2013

Don’t be afraid of Fear.

I love Halloween. It is my favorite time of the year. I grew up too poor to experience the magical shopping of Christmas and now that I am an independent adult working in a corporate office for retail, Christmas is just the time of being overworked and paying back taxes. Let’s forget about that other moment in the year. Christmas will have its time to shine in the middle of November. Right now we have Halloween and we need to cherish this moment.

(This kitty knows what’s up)

Halloween is the amazing time of the year where you are allowed to dress up and get scared shitless. This year I decided to take Halloween into my own hands. Since I am bombarded by Christmas for months at a time, like I am sure many of us are, I have decided to celebrate Halloween for more than one day. Halloween deserves October’s undivided attention. This year I began with Comic Con. Although Comic Con is not a Halloween event it is the beginning of the childlike wonder that it is. Comic Con is the beginning to the incredible customs and appreciation of movies and books that have entertained, inspired and even helped us through the toughest of times. This was followed by corn mazes, pumpkin picking and hay rides in the night. . There were many horror movies before bedtime and ghost stories in between. I will end the month with parties and parades. I don’t even care what or who I am dressed as anymore as long as I am part of the spirit let’s not forget that Halloween celebrates the most primal and important of human emotions. It celebrates fear.

Yes, there is also love, but love only comes second to fear. The most basic human need is survival. After survival we need love to continue to survive. When I was younger I always found people like me who thrived on being frightened and enjoy horror movies equally. However, now that I am in my early 20’s I find more and more people telling me that they fear….fear. Fear is what keeps us alive. How can you dread something so important to our existence?

“There is nothing to fear, but fear itself,” –FDR. I know you have heard this many times before and probably have applied it to real life situations. Such as taking a driving test, living alone and going skydiving. However, have you ever thought of taking this quote seriously? As in, not fearing the actual fear rather than just things that make us feel horror? I never feel as powerful as when I am afraid. My adrenaline goes up and I experience a sense of freedom that is indescribable. I am not telling you to go to a biker bar and get into a fight that might possibly end your life. What I am saying is to enjoy the things that cause fear, but deep down inside you know that you are safe. This is true freedom. This is the feeling of being invincible. Nothing feels better than knowing that you are afraid, because you are alive, however there is nothing that is threatening your chances of survival. Not only is fear important when it comes to feeling alive, but it truly is something that indicates your chances of endurance. I found that people who welcome horror are quicker to react when something is amiss in their lives. Those who welcome horror are also less susceptible to panic and anxiety attacks. This could ultimately save your life if you are ever chased or trapped.

(“Son, you’ll thank me one day when someone breaks into your house.”)

When you allow yourself and welcome fear your emotional intelligence also goes up. I enjoy disturbing movies, because in the end it tells us something about who we are as a human race. You learn something new about the human psyche every time. Deep down inside us we all have our monsters. Life is about acceptance. Not being able to enjoy horror is not accepting a huge chunk of what the human condition is all about. So go to a haunted house, ride some rollercoaster’s and jump of a plane with a parachute of course.

Go on and celebrate the spirit of Halloween by dressing up and shitting your pants.

October 23, 2013

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The New American Dream

If you cannot turn your hobbies into dollar signs then you’re a failure. Welcome to the 21st century. This is the world of delusional entrepreneurs. In our culture we live by a motto written for a fictional, narcissistic, sociopath. “If you’re good at something, never do it for free,” -The joker. If someone told me just a few years ago that the motto we would be using to influence our daily lives would be by the Joker, although he is one of my favorite fictional characters, I would not believe you.

I understand that in a capitalist country only those who hustle and sell what they’re good at make it. Hell! That’s how every culture thrives. Those who are good at certain things offer their knowledge and skills for either money or trade it for something of equal or greater value. However, the problem is not in wanting to get paid for what you are good at. The problem lies in the delusion of our current society. What happens when people believe that they are good at everything that they do?

I will tell you what happens? When people believe that everything they touch turns into gold they start to put their hands on all of the things. This means that we are constantly being sold crap that the creator thinks is gold. If you are one of the people selling their used clothes online for the purchase price instead of donating it to charity don’t complain about the crap that is being sold to you daily. If you are one of the people recording and selling music that is unrehearsed and no skill required don’t complain. Don’t complain about Miley, Zoe or Kim if you yourself think that everything you touch turns to gold.

We live in a culture of instant gratification rather than hard work. This is the reason why portable toy-like instruments such as the ukulele which requires very little skill are currently popular. It is because our culture is about showing off that you are interested in something and selling off your interest rather than your skill.

“If you are good at something never do it for free.” The problem does not lie in you wanting to sell what you are good at. The problem lies in the delusion that you are good at everything you do. This is the outcome of giving our children trophies just for showing up. These children are now adults and as adults they not only ask, but they demand that they get their trophies. So now we are living in a time where everyone wants their macaroni art up on the fridge. Although YouTube, Twitter, Vine, Facebook, Bandcamp and Instagram have made the fridge 100 times larger than it ever was before there will never be enough space for everyone’s macaroni art.

October 21, 2013

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Mondays Random Thought: Burmese Mountain Dogs are Spiritual beings.

Whenever I pass a Burmese Mountain dog I feel the presence of something greater than myself. It is very odd, but I somehow feel that they are put on this earth for a greater purpose. I am not sure if this is due to their grandeur or poise, but I do know that if I see one when I am having a bad day everything gets a little brighter. I hope to own a Burmese dog one day. They are majestic beings.

October 8, 2013

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This is What I Live For

“This is what I live for,” Says the logistics manager. She doesn’t live for manually typing in shipping data; she doesn’t live for supplying the stores with bath products, what she lives for is traveling. She told me that you must find something that you love and have a job that you can do well in order to support it.

Apparently she was not raised in America. This is the country where you are born thinking that you must work hard so that one day you can do what you love. If you are not able to do what you love, the second best thing is to do something that you are good at and get paid well in. I am not sure if the reason for me not being particularly thrilled about my current “corporate,” position is the salary or the fact that I am doing something that I do not enjoy.

I wonder if my salary was higher I would enjoy being here. Or if the issue is not as much salary as it is the amount of time I spend on things that are not important to me. One of my first jobs was as a Supervisor in a retail store. I worked in that job full time for three years while I was in college full time. One day I decided to save up so that I can afford to quit. Five months and a couple of thousands later I took my ten minute break made some calculations and walked out in the middle of my shift.

The last thing I said before leaving was that you can put money in a bank and years later although it is not the same physical money that was put in the bank its value will never de-crease. However, time is always different. You cannot put time in a vault and pick up where you left off. Time will move with or without you. It will always be different and even during the toughest of times; you have to be in the present otherwise all the pain you felt passively will be felt in vain.

For the first time since I was a child I am living a passive life. I want to be more aware, but I feel that in this present state and job I have nothing left to learn. The C.E.O can offer me more pay, but there is nothing here that I want to take. In the beginning I felt that I should accept the job due to most Americans live the way that I do. However, I am not one to sit still and not call bullshit. No one likes it when the shit hits the fan. When it does; you are the only one left to clean it up. If that disgusting metaphor did not make sense what I am trying to say is to nip your feelings in the bud. As I have stated in my previous blogs, your feelings are symptoms. Symptoms need to be paid attention to before you become sick.

This is the first time that I have come to the conclusion that there is nothing left for me here. These feelings of discontent and passiveness have finally matured into a higher level of understanding. We all should have something in our lives that makes us say, “This is what I live for.” From coming home from kindergarten to watch Barney to going to concerts as a teenager to creating something that is part of you. There is always something that we live for. This is the first time in my life that I am living for nothing. Survival is not something to live for. It is a necessity; it is the urge to stay alive. Now that you are alive, what do you live for?

September 16, 2013

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Who are you?

Things are not always what they seem. They say that you should dress the way you would like to be viewed and have the mannerisms of such, however what happens if what you wish to be seen as is not who you truly are? I have been living with someone who is clearly mentally unstable for over a year now and in the process I have also learned a lot about the human condition. For one I learned that who you truly are is at times not who you wish to be seen as.

Take my roommate for example. She wishes to be seen as someone who is different, kind and interesting. At one point in her life this was who she was. However it seems that it takes some time for your outward persona to reflect who you truly are. Although at some point she was picked on, kind and different the experience of being that person has changed her into someone else. Now she is someone who makes sly remarks about others and acts like a snob with things that she may even have the slightest interest in. She may act nice, but kind she is not. In the world of adults where people no longer haze you or care to be outwardly bitchy she is now the very person who used to make her life impossible. Of course her outward appearance and first impressions have not caught up to her inner ways and there is still a huge part of her that believes she is the person she once was. After becoming an outcome of her past self it is now that she has accepted who she used to be. This has created an endless cycle of delusion.

The point is that eventually the person you become is the outcome of living as the person you currently are. It takes you a bit of time to notice not only that you’ve changed, but that other people have known months even years before you ever figured it out. This is the creation of delusion. You must live in the present before you become a product of the person you are.

Much like the rest of the world I have been watching Breaking Bad. This show is about a high school chemistry teacher who gets cancer and begins to sell meth in order to cover for his treatments and to take care of his family after he is gone. However what the show is truly about is breaking the person that you once where from the circumstances that got you there. The main character Walter White was someone who always got walked all over; when he finally got the chance to call the shots he became Heisenberg. Heisenberg is the polar opposite of Walt. Heisenberg is the outcome of Walt’s past self. Although others clearly saw his transformation, he was not aware of his change until the past self no longer excised. It took some time for his first impressions and self perception to catch up to the outcome of the present self.

These are the dangers of not knowing who you are or taking responsibility for your persona. Not accepting who you are good and bad will result in you becoming someone you might not know so well. Like my roommate who now has accepted the kind part of herself only after she is no longer kind. This makes her even more intolerable. Or Walter White who in the process of helping his family has harmed them.