“This is what I live for,” Says the logistics manager. She doesn’t live for manually typing in shipping data; she doesn’t live for supplying the stores with bath products, what she lives for is traveling. She told me that you must find something that you love and have a job that you can do well in order to support it.
Apparently she was not raised in America. This is the country where you are born thinking that you must work hard so that one day you can do what you love. If you are not able to do what you love, the second best thing is to do something that you are good at and get paid well in. I am not sure if the reason for me not being particularly thrilled about my current “corporate,” position is the salary or the fact that I am doing something that I do not enjoy.
I wonder if my salary was higher I would enjoy being here. Or if the issue is not as much salary as it is the amount of time I spend on things that are not important to me. One of my first jobs was as a Supervisor in a retail store. I worked in that job full time for three years while I was in college full time. One day I decided to save up so that I can afford to quit. Five months and a couple of thousands later I took my ten minute break made some calculations and walked out in the middle of my shift.
The last thing I said before leaving was that you can put money in a bank and years later although it is not the same physical money that was put in the bank its value will never de-crease. However, time is always different. You cannot put time in a vault and pick up where you left off. Time will move with or without you. It will always be different and even during the toughest of times; you have to be in the present otherwise all the pain you felt passively will be felt in vain.
For the first time since I was a child I am living a passive life. I want to be more aware, but I feel that in this present state and job I have nothing left to learn. The C.E.O can offer me more pay, but there is nothing here that I want to take. In the beginning I felt that I should accept the job due to most Americans live the way that I do. However, I am not one to sit still and not call bullshit. No one likes it when the shit hits the fan. When it does; you are the only one left to clean it up. If that disgusting metaphor did not make sense what I am trying to say is to nip your feelings in the bud. As I have stated in my previous blogs, your feelings are symptoms. Symptoms need to be paid attention to before you become sick.
This is the first time that I have come to the conclusion that there is nothing left for me here. These feelings of discontent and passiveness have finally matured into a higher level of understanding. We all should have something in our lives that makes us say, “This is what I live for.” From coming home from kindergarten to watch Barney to going to concerts as a teenager to creating something that is part of you. There is always something that we live for. This is the first time in my life that I am living for nothing. Survival is not something to live for. It is a necessity; it is the urge to stay alive. Now that you are alive, what do you live for?