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Who are you?

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Things are not always what they seem. They say that you should dress the way you would like to be viewed and have the mannerisms of such, however what happens if what you wish to be seen as is not who you truly are? I have been living with someone who is clearly mentally unstable for over a year now and in the process I have also learned a lot about the human condition. For one I learned that who you truly are is at times not who you wish to be seen as.

Take my roommate for example. She wishes to be seen as someone who is different, kind and interesting. At one point in her life this was who she was. However it seems that it takes some time for your outward persona to reflect who you truly are. Although at some point she was picked on, kind and different the experience of being that person has changed her into someone else. Now she is someone who makes sly remarks about others and acts like a snob with things that she may even have the slightest interest in. She may act nice, but kind she is not. In the world of adults where people no longer haze you or care to be outwardly bitchy she is now the very person who used to make her life impossible. Of course her outward appearance and first impressions have not caught up to her inner ways and there is still a huge part of her that believes she is the person she once was. After becoming an outcome of her past self it is now that she has accepted who she used to be. This has created an endless cycle of delusion.

The point is that eventually the person you become is the outcome of living as the person you currently are. It takes you a bit of time to notice not only that you’ve changed, but that other people have known months even years before you ever figured it out. This is the creation of delusion. You must live in the present before you become a product of the person you are.

Much like the rest of the world I have been watching Breaking Bad. This show is about a high school chemistry teacher who gets cancer and begins to sell meth in order to cover for his treatments and to take care of his family after he is gone. However what the show is truly about is breaking the person that you once where from the circumstances that got you there. The main character Walter White was someone who always got walked all over; when he finally got the chance to call the shots he became Heisenberg. Heisenberg is the polar opposite of Walt. Heisenberg is the outcome of Walt’s past self. Although others clearly saw his transformation, he was not aware of his change until the past self no longer excised. It took some time for his first impressions and self perception to catch up to the outcome of the present self.

These are the dangers of not knowing who you are or taking responsibility for your persona. Not accepting who you are good and bad will result in you becoming someone you might not know so well. Like my roommate who now has accepted the kind part of herself only after she is no longer kind. This makes her even more intolerable. Or Walter White who in the process of helping his family has harmed them.

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