I jumped out of bed every morning when the alarm went off
I was just happy that the nightmare of attempting to fall asleep the night before was over
The anxious tossing and turning
And the occasional getting up to tell my mother to lower her voice
Every night I had to explain to her that as a child I needed eight hours of sleep
That’s what I was told in school anyhow
In the mornings I was the first kid to be ready to go to school
I wanted to leave so badly that I cared little for what came once I woke up
I would rush to put my clothes on just so that I could leave the prison I called home
On four hours of sleep and an empty stomach, I would go to school
My mother never fed me in the mornings
She cared more about the way I looked
So she would brush my hair for 15 minutes and what seemed like forever
So that my appearance didn’t make her look bad
In the 5^th grade I started using concealer to cover up my under eyes
My mother taught me how to use concealer
She also taught me how to moisturize
In the 5^th grade I realized that although I didn’t understand the other kids
And I had a tendency to count slowly backwards from 10
In my head
Obsessively
I was a great student, but at a class party I also learned that I was a good dancer
In the 6^th grade I joined dance
My dance teacher Valerie Rochon saved my life
In rehearsals for “Dancing in the street” she found out that I could sing
She let me sing
I let myself sing
I invited her to my high school graduation
But lost her number before graduating college
In high school I dated a guy whose mother was an ex-cop and now hippie
She taught me to be strong, yet grateful
I stayed with him longer than I should
The admiration I had for his mother was the hot glue that held us together
I am my own parent
I am my own parent
From the 6^th grade through college I would tell myself
I am my own parent
I found love from the strong women around me and re-learned how to live
And I keep finding that love everywhere I go
Mothers who are mothers to us all
Even if I no longer need it
It’s good to have wants in life
For once in my life
I am my own person

                                                                                                                            Thank you
#quartervida

___________________________________________________________________________________________________________
You are not alone:
Narcissistic Abuse: An Unspoken Reality (Short Documentary)
Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents