To be an animal. That has been my dream. Before I am confined to white matted walls and hands tied around myself I would like to revert back to or better yet evolve into a reptile. Maybe the way humans view survival is not evolution at all. Maybe conciseness is just another thing that we are slowly beginning to shed. Much like gills were to fish when they were evolving into monkeys. That might be the reason why many people have become more violent. Maybe violence is evolution. That is the way in which humans have been able to respond to grey areas in life. Grey areas are the gills to a soon to be mammal. White and black are solutions, grey areas are always problems. They are unlike other problems, these are problems that linger.. they eat away at the soul, at our conscience. They cause sleepless nights. Sleepless nights in it itself is useless. Therefore so is guilt. Guilt is useless, unless you want to bring down those with a high moral compass. Then guilt is your weapon. Yet again, violence is always a weapon that gets results. To revert back to my statement about reptiles and their superiority or animals in the wild in general. They know the meaning of life. Animals in the wild, reproduce, eat and survive. We view it as a harsh life when first watching animal documentaries, but the more you watch the more you accept and learn about life in general. A cheetah doesn’t shop for clothes or worry about a store making target money or if their son is gay and the government wont pay for their sons sex change . A cheetah finds food and eats it. Then it sleeps and works for its survival and fucks in between. It does not hope for change or have restless nights because it felt guilty that it ate a goat. So my wish is to be an animal. I think that’s most of our wishes. Isn’t that the reason why people take drugs? To stop the thinking process? We want to badly to be like them. We envy them. But however long we dance into the night, how many drugs we take to ease the pain of our existence, how many clothes we buy and how many people we fuck… we can’t get rid of our conscience. War might be horrible, but to the men who understand how important it is for us to mentally survive, it is essential. And it’s not the political outcomes of war that is essential, it is the act of war. You take away our right to battle and you take away our humanity. Post traumatic stress disorder is just a glitch in our evolutionary process as humans. It is guilt. To understand and be ready for battle physically and mentally alone is filling. One does not have to kill in order to get their essential nutrients as humans. One only has to adapt and understand that the meaning of life is physical survival and one day you will be tested on how you are willing to survive physically. Yet we worry so much about the deterioration of our brains and souls rather than just being alive. We worry about our mental state. Crazy is an illusion. There is no such thing. Crazy isn’t running around yelling obscenities. Crazy is going about your daily life and not knowing the true meaning of it. Survival. That is crazy. I wish to be a cheetah. But only the truly rich have the right to evolve. Only the truly rich have the right to choose whether they want to live in the confides of the many shades of gray that the rest of us are stuck in or if they want the black or the white. To be an animal, that is my dream. To see the world in black and white at least one last time before all I am forced to see is the white padded walls that surround me. As a baby I knew that the world did not make sense. In adolescence we think we know the world. And as an adult if wise you will again know that the world doesn’t make sense and there is no sense in you trying to make sense of it.
That is why we love children and animals. They bring perspective. They remind you to take the prism off your eyes and the original light and shadows that surround you. So if anyone ask me what I wish to do in my future. I now know what to say…