I watch how the moon sits in the sky in the dark night
Shining with the light from the sun
And the sun doesn’t give light to the moon assuming
The moon’s gonna owe it one

On July 20th 2017 I learned that you can be a savior and not be able save yourself.

Chester’s story is one of both mental and physical child abuse and the way that abuse grows with you. (Crawling) How it seeks out the company of what you know to be familiar and causes you to live with paranoia. (Papercut) The only way to survive through such abuse when you are powerless is to numb it out. (Numb) But with the numbing comes the fear that you may one day turn into your abuser. (Breaking the habit) and that soon you will need to take responsibility for your pain. Take ownership of it before it runs rampant and turns you into the very thing you despise. And all the while all you want is the love you deserve. For those responsible for you to protect you as they should. (Points of authority) Realizing that their conditional love is based on conditions that are impossible to meet. (In the end) You venture out into the world (Runaway) knowing that what you were taught are negative ways to view and live in it. Because there is still a hope that you are worthy of love. But first you’ll need to know what love is and who loves you.

And it’s not always easy because most of us step out from abuse into the world to attract the same thing we ran away from. Making the walls we’ve created to save us during our fragile youth even tighter in our adulthood. Numbing us from the outside world. Creating dual personalities. One who knows the truth and one who acts as if it is happy, because based on facts it should be. But what it really is, is guilty for not being able to enjoy a life you’ve worked so hard to build. (Somewhere I Belong) Guilty for feeling like a burden to those who love you.

But please know, this isn’t life, you are worthy of love, that wasn’t love. Because it’s never too late to learn about the foreign concept of love. Follow the love. Find your tribe, love your tribe. Let your tribe love you back….

RIP Chester Bennington

Your fans love you, truly. Thank you for allowing us to process our pain together. Thank you for allowing us to understand our pain before many of us were able to heal.

This picture I received from the LP Underground Fan club in the 7th grade and it hung on my wall for years.

P.S There is a part of me that doesn’t believe it was suicide. I won’t comment on that, but advice you to as a fan do some research…