comments 17

Not enough time in the world

Some of us were shoved out into the world with part of our egg shells stuck to our backs, not yet fully hatched.

There is not enough time in the world for healing. There is not enough time in our lives to figure out what was and is being done to us; to figure out how much of it is self-victimizing and how much of it is true; or if the truth has forced us to become accustomed to being the victim. To then identify the great parts of who we are and discard the bad. To then take the bad and see how much of it is part of us. How much of it can we change when it’s the reason we have survived. To then re-define what bad is.

There is not enough time to fix ourselves. While we are in a constant state of repair, those who were born with great families and good incomes are ruling the world. Their world. While we live in ours. While we wish for their lives. From the minute we are born it is already too late to catch up.

There is not enough time in the world for us to catch up. Catching up is a delusion. You can’t catch up to those on a different road. There is not enough time to fix ourselves. There is not enough time in the world to assume that we are broken, to assume that by now we should be close to where they were then.  

I started working when I was 15years old and not once have I gone more than 3 months without a paying job since. More than a decade later, I occasionally find myself wondering if I will ever catch up. If I cared this much for my survival, then I have proven to myself that my life is worth living. Time and time again. This is a gift. I have fought to be here and I know I have the fight in me. Many die never knowing about the primal, beautiful fight we all have in us. The fight all great stories are made of. There is not enough time in the world to compare. Just look straight ahead and stop along the way to fix any potholes and isolated ice patches you come across on your road. This way you will learn to clear the road with your eyes closed while you choose to live with your eyes fully open, and in turn you will clear the way for those who are using the same road after you, so that they have less to worry about while they too wonder if they should be fixing themselves.

Or catching up.

But, there is not enough time in the world to catch up.
There is not enough time in the world to assume that we are broken.
Introspection is everything when experience is mandatory.

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17 Comments

      • That is, ironically, the perfect way to feel about what you have written! Totally dig the idea I get from your words that we can’t possible complete everything that my need to be completed, but we can deal with the obstacles on our paths so that those following later have a clear path ahead. And if they do the same, and if we all did the same, as much as possible, how cool would that be for all of us? We’re all human and can get down/angry/pissed off about what seems to be an endless struggle to fix ourselves or a situation, but while fixing anything, we’re fixing something and being human and humane.

        Maybe you are thinking you could have chosen better words, but even if you are, you have chosen a lovely and powerful message to send.

      • This has made my day. Thank you for this. As long as the message gets across, that is all that matters. I love how you put it, “fixing something and being human and humane.” It is all about keeping that humanity, I think and letting go of the self inflicted guilt. It is good to know that my experience is not a solitary one.

  1. ‘Some of us were shoved out into the world with part of our egg shells stuck to our backs, not yet fully hatched.’
    Great opening, something dreamlike about it, makes me think that dreams are our chance to direct the film of our random impulses – the root of all art, I suspect! We inhabit our own stories after all.

    • Thank you! It’s odd you mention it, because I am re learning how to experience lucid dreams again and it is a way to take full charge of your life. It helps a lot in the waking world too!

      • Sounds good! Some dreams leave one feeling very empowered, as if we have been the director and moulded them into something.

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