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I Refuse to Become Excited by Electrical Appliances and Toilet Paper.


Today the office ran out of toilet paper. The human resources manager went to Duane Read and purchased some. When she came back she looked as if she just came back from Disney world. A few of the women were huddled around reading the label and commenting on how amazing it is that this paper is made from stones. I could not believe my eyes. The last time anyone in the office was this excited was when someone bought a frother. Yes, a $150 frother. If you don’t know what a frother is you are not crazy, you are just not a middle aged house wife. When this purchase was made she made the point to have us watch the frother as it frothed some milk. It was literally like watching paint dry.

I refuse to become excited by electrical appliances and toilet paper. I also refuse to pretend to be excited. Please excuse my language, but, what the fuck is wrong with people? Is this what life is like after you’ve settled down? Maybe I just require more excitement than others, but I refuse to have my life turn into an episode of The Hills. I also refuse to be around people who think this is normal. The reason why I am so against this logic is because this is how people get stuck in life. People get stuck by pretending that what is “normal,” is OK. Just because it is a norm to be this way does not mean that it is OK. Yes, many are sincerely excited by mundane crap daily. Those people are called boring, old, or 5th generation Americans. In the U.S it is also a norm to be obese, divorced and selfish. However, it does not mean that it is OK to be this way.

Remember when your mother or educator tried to teach you a lesson on individuality and free will by saying,” If everyone jumps off a cliff, would you?” I know everyone has heard this before and of course our response to this was naturally no. It is strange, but if asked that question again today I might say yes. Because it is completely OK to sit on your ass and complain if everyone else does the same, but it is not reasonable for you to do something drastic that others are doing. Also, if people are jumping off a cliff there must be a valid reason. Consider the pros and cons, don’t just say no. Is there water below? Am I attached to a cord?

Another thing is that no matter what you decide to do in life, you will never be alone in doing so. There will always be a group of people doing the same thing that you are. If loneliness is what you are afraid off, which by the way is a primal useless emotion, there is nothing to worry about.

Please don’t pretend to be excited by toilet paper and electrical appliances when what would really excite you is to jump off a cliff. Then you will only be cheating yourself.

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