“Ana you have to be more careful,” She said in her whiny little voice. We called her Minnie mouse, because she had a squeaky voice, was short and stubby and wore awkward dresses. Of course Minnie mouse was a term of endearment. She was one of the many managers at one of my first jobs as zone recovery specialist in a major retail store.
Every time I messed up she knew why I did so. It was not because I was slow or dumb, but because I needed to be more careful. And 3 years later her squeaky little voice resonates in my head whenever I make a careless mistake.
Yes, at first it was just annoying. How is one more careful? What does she even mean? This is just who I am? I am tired! These were only some of the questions and excuses that stopped me from growing as a person. When I decided to just be more careful life became easier.
I have countless bruises resulting from careless mistakes when I was younger. If you want to ask yourself if you are an adult or a child just ask yourself one question. Are you careful? Are you aware? Being aware will allow you to be free-spirited without the adverse affects of being the screw-up/basket case.
And how is it that you become more careful, you say? It is by living in the moment and maintaining focus. You must never allow yourself to become a zombie in your daily life. Everything that you do, you must remember, Sober or not. And if you don’t remember then you must know why. If you don’t then who is controlling your actions? You must always be aware.
Being aware does not mean that you are not free spirited or fun. It is actually the complete opposite. Those who are self aware know who they are and know that they can let go, because they will never fall. It is odd how you need inner peace to be self aware. Inner peace requires work, but once you have peace it will never truly leave you. It becomes part of who you are. I will never find something in my space that I didn’t know was there.
I remember the way objects are facing and what people are wearing and I can recall seeing someone in the subway that I briefly meet 3years ago. This does not make me super human. It took work to become aware and it is an amazing thing to have. I used to live life as a zombie growing up and I am finally aware.
Now when I see my old manager again I will, although she once annoyed me, embrace her. I will embrace her, because she unknowingly made me a better person.