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July 16, 2014

The Most Important Part of the Story Is the Piece You Don’t Know

All the little things in life are made better with eye candy. Whether you are watching a movie or watching a singer or just people-watching; it is always made better when you are able to look at someone who is pleasing to the eye. Did you notice the pattern there?

Eye candy is only important when you are watching with your eyes. However, with the expansion of visual content nothing is sacred. I remember when I would listen to music without knowing how the artist looked or who they were dating. I would look at a painting or read a book without the need to dig into the author and artist’s personal life. This need for visuals and judgment has spread into all aspects of love and passion.

We are becoming less and less capable of seeing with our mind’s eye. I wonder if anyone would have listened to Gandhi, Buddha, The Dali Lama , etc., if they were attempting to spread their wisdom today. Would they be attractive enough for their voices to be heard? Would their unorthodox lifestyle make it difficult for us to listen to the wisdom they have to share? We see this issue with everything, not just those with a strong perspective on the world around them.

When the Spurs won the NBA championship I was rooting for the team and excited for their victory. I got comments from many women such as, “why are you rooting for the Spurs? Tony Parker cheated on Eva Longoria?” First of all, I do not know if this is true. Second of all, why should I not root for a team who has a great coach and clearly have love for the fundamentals of the game? Because one of the players supposedly cheated on his ex? It’s like how some bandwagon World Cup fans were cheering for the team with the “cutest” players. Sometimes I do wish that we went back to a time with blurry television screens and less gossip sources.

When I love a band or artist, I make it a point not to dig in too deep. Sometimes it’s best to let their words, music, painting, etc. speak for itself. Art exists for a reason. It exists to express a part of the human spirit that would otherwise remain hidden. When we as humans are great at something, I liken it to having a sixth sense. To an NBA player, the ball and the court are like phantom limbs that extend from their abilities and passion. The same goes for a guitar player, any professional athlete, singer, writer and so on. Their phantom limbs are the guitar, their voice, a pen…

Just as you can tell when someone is a natural, you can also tell when it is something they do for show-and-tell. Thanks to the explosion of mass media, it is difficult to love art for art and not for the show-and-tells. The sad part is that some people cannot tell the difference, even if in their heart they know it to be true. Just like ten years ago when many people had the pressure to become doctors and lawyers, now many feel pressured to become artists. How ridiculous it is to think that one must be pressured to become an artist!

Everyone is an artist. One of my closest friends told me on Saturday, “art is like shit.” It is in all of us, just waiting to come out at the right time. You must do what comes natural. Art that is forced will be lacking much needed substance. It might even make you sick. Or is it that you are sick to begin with that you feel the need to force that shit out?

July 2, 2014

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Sugar Coating Is The Rug People Sweep Life Under. Let’s Keep It Healthy

As teenagers many of us listened to depressing music, wore dark clothing and hated everything. Now most of us listen to uplifting music, wear patterns and colors without boundaries and appear to love everything. Anything that is new and thrown at us we love and I would like to think that we have all somehow evolved. I would like to think that we have grown to love the world around us and the people in it. I would like to think that what we do now is better than what was popular to do back then. I would like to believe these things, but I don’t. Plus looking back I think System of a Down, Nine Inch Nails, Metallica and even Rob Zombie made some decent points about the human condition.

We have only moved from one extreme to the other, like a drug addict who was given religion and now refuses to leave his house without a bible in hand. Yes, I’d rather he be hooked on phonics than cocaine, but I’d also rather he not be hooked on anything. Let’s keep comparing ourselves to how bad things used to be and we will never be able to move on to how much better things could be.

Now more than ever I am running across people with issues finding their purpose in life. I remember just two years ago being taken to see Avenue Q on my birthday and connecting with the main puppet who had trouble finding his purpose. I can finally say that I have found my purpose in this world and some people never do. For this, I am grateful. However, finding your life’s purpose is not always easy. It takes going back to a time when you were your full self, when you were honest to yourself and others and saw the world for what it is. Not the cotton candy dimension many of us live now, but the truth. Learn to love the truth, not avoid it. We are all mechanics in this world who specialize in different things. How will you ever know your purpose if you refuse to look at what needs to be fixed?

I love the world and I love life. For me to have to defend my love of this life every time I smack the sugar coating out of it is pure insanity. Who loves life more than the people who do not look away when it shows us how ugly it can be? Who loves life more than the people who disagree with and attempt to change the horrible and powerful things created by people? I believe in loving the rain for what it is. I believe in dancing in it. I value my feelings of fear, loneliness, disapproval and shame just as much as I value feelings of love, light and energy.

We are allowed to not like certain things. We are allowed to know the difference between what’s good and what’s bad, without being judged. We are allowed to point out the ridiculous hypocrisy we see on a daily basis without being seen as negative. Not speaking about something will not make it go away. Life will give you things that you did not ask for, but unless you dive in, all of your valuable time will be used in vain.

See it all, be it all and do some things along the way to make things around you better. Sugar coating is the rug people sweep life under. Let’s keep it healthy.

My life is naturally sweetened. No artificial ingredients needed.

June 25, 2014

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To be seen in the party that is your life

If I am lucky during the week I sleep 7 hours a day. That adds up to 35 hours of sleep from Monday to Friday. What I do more than sleep is work. I compare work to sleep, because the only thing other than work that we do for almost the same amount of time in this world is sleep. Also, the abstract people, places and things that I dream about offer more to me than my work environment.

From Monday to Friday most of my mental state is spent on waiting for my life to start. My to do list in order to keep my sanity grows longer and longer through the week. It seems like I don’t have time for anything. I do not mind working in an office .That is not what bothers me. It is the time spent not enjoying my life that bothers me. I remember working in retail years ago. Some days I would work 14 hour shifts. The job itself was depressing, repetitive and lacking much needed respect, but I made memories. My days mattered. Every day I showed up to the party that is my life. I laughed every day and was surrounded by people who I cared about and cared about me, genuinely. Not once did we make small talk. Our talks were always big. Not once could I conceal my feelings, someone always cared. Someone always knew. Not once did I find myself on the verge of a nervous breakdown for anything other than the death of a family member.

In the coming months I plan on moving out of my apartment to live with someone that isn’t self-centered. To live with someone that sees me. In the coming months I plan on taking classes for life coaching. But right now I need to feel as if I am showing up to my life. To be invited to such an amazing ongoing event and rarely show up is worse than not being invited at all. It is the feeling you get when you are all alone on a Saturday night while you sit within earshot of a gathering. We are alive; our main priority in life should be to live. We must live.

This Saturday I went to a yoga Solstice event. The instructor said something that stuck out to me. She said that all we want as humans is to be seen. I know plenty of people who are happy regardless of where they are, because they are surrounded by people that see them for who they are. To be seen is to be known. It is the reason why family is so important. This is a bond that relies on the ability of everyone to be seen for who they are. This is the main reason why I began to write. I wanted a place where I can be my full self and not be seen as anything other than me. The person whose writing I read the most is my own, because there are aspects of myself that need reflection. Everyone has aspects that need reflection. We are social creatures who must find like minded individuals to reflect off of so that we can see ourselves clearly and in the process understand each other.

People like to say that life is short; in fact it is extremely long. It is longer than it’s ever been. The reason why we think this way is because most of us live a life where the majority of our days we could do without. Show up to the party that is your life, you are responsible for the cleanup either way, so you might as well enjoy it.

June 18, 2014

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We Are Both The Main Characters and Writers of Our Lives

There is always that character in a show that either only does guest appearances or is written in on a whim. That guy or girl who walks in with something in hand, but you never really know anything about them other than that thing they do. They are that guy who does extreme sports, that artsy girl, etc. I have always been fascinated with television and the way characters are written in. If you watch between the screens you can learn a lot about people.

(Personality included. All plastic things need props)

There is a difference between a good writer and someone who just happens to have a good idea for a story. When the writer is lazy, you can tell by how one-dimensional their characters are and how many props they give their characters to make up for the humanity they lack. The fewer dimensions a character has, the more props that character is given to drag around the set. Such is life.

We are the main characters and writers of our lives. My main goal is to be known as a fitting writer for the story that I live.

(Prop closets are for characters, not people)

We all have things that we do and are known for, but don’t go dragging around props to cover up your lack of personal growth. I remember when I was a teenager how important it was that the person I was dating listened to the same music, did the same things and liked the same shows as I did. Many of us found that important; because that was the only way we knew how to relate. Now, I realize that this is a sign of immaturity. We put things in front of us that are tangible in order to cover up the fact that there is nothing there otherwise.

(They all like sitting on stairs. Bff’s obviously)

We all have at least one hobby/belief that is sacred. We all have something that we do and would like to be known for. However, when I am no longer here, I would not like to be remembered as the girl who played the bass. I would like to be remembered for the person that I am and the ideas that I as a human being created in the most sacred place of all: my mind. This is why writing is so important to me. It is the physical form of all that I have kept in what I consider to be the most important organ in the human body; the brain.

What makes a hobby sacred is the fact that it is deeply part of who we are, no longer just something that we do because our parents did the same or we thought it was cool. For me this sacred thing is learning to play the bass. I came from a family that did not support my musical talents. They were proud of me for being an honors student, but never acknowledged my interest in music. I went to a performing arts high school for musical theater and performed at least twice a year for four years. Not one family member came to any of my shows.

In college I put music behind me. I resented it. It hurts me to even think about my family’s absence. However, without any props I appreciated what it was like to be human. I learned to grow from the inside out and continue to grow. Who you are is something that can never be taken away from you. It is what you come back to at the end of it all. If there is nothing there then you are likely to fall into depression. I was never greeted in my home as the girl who is currently doing (fill in the blank), I was always just me. No props to hide behind, just me.

Now I am writing music and learning the bass. I purchased the instrument years ago, but was unable to learn due to my family’s lack of support. After moving out I am finally able to learn, slowly but surely. I find myself around someone who has taken the one other thing that is sacred to me and used it as a tool to hide who they truly are. To them it is just another tool, just another instrument they can half-learn, collect and add to their personal portfolio for conversation. This is not the first time that this person has taken something that I care about and used it to hide, but this is the first time that I have cared. It is like having an unwelcome guest walking on your sacred grounds.

But at the end of the day I must remember that when all is taken away from me I have the one thing that I have been able to star in and write. I have myself, I have my brain. I am a character with limitless dimensions. I need no props. It has taken me years to get to this mental state. I am here and it was worth it.

We are the main characters and writers of our life. My main goal is to be known as a fitting writer for the story that is me.

June 11, 2014

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Be Grateful for What You Have While Striving For All that you Could Have

There are two kinds of people in this world: those who compare themselves to a better version of themselves and those who feel that they’ve conquered the world when they successfully tie their shoelaces every morning.

( Stuart from MADTV )

The world we live in is all about perception. You can tell a lot about a person from the way they perceive themselves in relation to the world around them. This is where the difference between low self esteem and confidence comes in. A confident person has a realistic perception of where they stand in relation to the rest of the world. A person with low self esteem, however, has a false sense of this relationship. The way we view ourselves controls the way we react to life’s obstacles.

When something goes wrong and someone tells me that “it could be worse,” I feel as if they are insulting my emotional intelligence. “It could be worse,” is a phrase used by psychologists when treating depression during cognitive therapy. Cognitive Therapy is a type of psychotherapy in which negative patterns of thought about the self and the world are challenged in order to alter unwanted behavior patterns or treat mood disorders such as depression. I know this from research and personal experience with acquaintances that live with depression. For someone who lives with depression, the response to a roadblock is always, “It could be worse.” And who can blame them? This is what they were taught. It is the easiest form of reminding someone that they should be grateful. Gratitude is the first step towards happiness. However, there is a reason why it is the first step and not the only step.

Once you have the knowledge to enable yourself to feel gratitude, the next step towards happiness is in the striving. Part of the human condition is constant striving. When we have no goals, we have no life. Buddhist monks who work towards contentment are constantly striving towards a deeper level of that perception. The reason they don’t strive for happiness is because it takes them away from contentment. We also should not confuse striving for our dreams with striving for happiness. When we strive for our dreams, we automatically become happy. However, striving for happiness often causes dissatisfaction.

In the striving is a risk. The risk of failing always lies ahead. A documentary on Japanese suicide determined that the main causes of suicide were pressure and the inability to pursue dreams. Wouldn’t you rather take the chance in knowing that it could be better and see it for yourself?

The knowledge that things could always be worse only serves those who have difficulty with gratitude. If you are grateful for all that you have, you do not need to be told that things could always be worse. When you are completing a project that fails, it is because you already have the basic necessities in life. In order for me to even begin a non life-threatening objective, my basic needs have to be met. I am grateful for all that I have, however I live my life looking up, never looking down. The only reason you should be looking at your poor neighbor’s bowl is to see if they have enough food in it so that you may give from your own. One must never look at someone who is worse of for the purpose of comparison or self-gratification. This is not gratefulness. It is false empathy.

(Luis CK)

Being grateful should not require you to see those struggling to survive without physically assisting them. Be grateful for what you have while striving for all that you could have. In yoga there are many poses where an inhale indicates a bend at the knees, while an exhale asks us to reach our hearts toward the ceiling. The grounding and reaching occur at the same time.

In life, perception is everything. Perceiving the world for what it is will get you far. The trick is to remain grateful while constantly reaching for all that you can grasp. The secret to happiness is to never be satisfied.