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November 19, 2014

Our Adult Bodies Are Vessels For Our Childhood Dreams

When I have a seat on the train, I close my eyes and I listen to music. I let the music take me away. Since moving to Brooklyn, I barely get a seat on the train. I know , I know, first world problems . But going from having a guaranteed seat every morning for years to having to stand forced me to change some habits. So now I read constantly. I have gone from reading one novel/comic a month to one every week. However, when I read a comic book on the train I get strange looks. This morning someone asked me if I was an illustrator. Of course, because if I appreciate comics I must be an illustrator.

Let me tell you what’s so wrong about this implication. The implication that in order to be a functioning adult you must have a profession in the things you enjoy is insane. It is the reason why so many people claim to be singers, actors, writers, etc. In modern American culture it’s not productive to enjoy something without becoming it. That is why we have so many self-proclaimed yogis, painters, etc. And anyone can get away with calling themselves an artist, because it would be un-artist-like of us to even dare question those who try. We all listen to music and I am sure that we all watch movies and we have all at some point (hopefully) read a book. However, there is a difference between being able to produce something and being able to enjoy it.

Yes, I believe that we should all strive to become the person we wish to be, but why is it so hard for us to just be the person we are? A better version of who we are. Unfortunately, we live in a world of instant gratification. It takes time to get to know yourself and even more time to perfect that person. Instead of doing what comes naturally we try to do what we enjoy. We take the “if you work a job you love you never have to work a day in your life,” motto to heart. We fall so in love with the idea of becoming something that we lose sight of actually being anything. We label ourselves based on our hobbies; because that’s the person we wish others to see in us, and so we hide behind these hobbies. We make our profile pictures about that one time you held a guitar, danced on stage or were able to sing, because you figure that if more people saw you that way your identity will change with their perception of you. But that never happens. We don’t give people enough credit. Even friends on social media know the difference between the person you are and the person you want others to see you as.

The person you wish others to see you as and the person you are should not be far apart. The things you do, while they say a lot about you, do not define you. Strength does not come in how much you can do, but in how true to yourself you remain. Even after the high school peer pressure fades away we bully ourselves into becoming this person we imagine ourselves to be. If you ever lose track of who you are, a quick way to remember is to look at yourself as a child.

When we are young, we think that the lives around us are just like ours, because that is all we know. When I was younger I thought that everyone else tasted certain words, but lo and behold I learned very quickly that one person’s experiences can differ greatly from those of others. It is like living in a different dimension. We all occupy the same space, but we don’t always see each other. We are in a different time. It is the little things that shape us. Whenever you are lost just imagine yourself when you were younger. Remember those random certificates you got from your kindergarten and first grade teacher that said things like “Highest Achievement,” in reading, talking, sitting still, making friends, finger painting, etc. Know that you are an adult version of that. Sitting still means that you are highly focused, making friends means that you are great at networking and so on. Don’t knock those little things that make you great out, because they are not glorified by society. Our adult bodies are just vessels for our childhood dreams. Don’t bully yourself into becoming the person you see yourself being. I haven’t had a specific wish in years, because you never know if that desire will bring you happiness. I have always wished for happiness and cut the middle man out. It is the preferred outcome in all that we do. Consult the child you used to be and aim for the desired outcome, not the things that you think might get you there.

October 22, 2014

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The Tortoise And The Hare – Why Loose When You Can Win?

It’s a race, and it’s you against everyone else. It’s You vs. them. Two runners in your mind. Your entire life you have been training. You know you are the better runner, because you’ve put in the work, not because you were born special or superior. So you run. You run as fast as you can. You reach the finish line but you stop. You wait around. You don’t know why you are waiting. While you wait, you worry. You are afraid of success. While you wait, the other person strolls through the finish line. They have been walking at a leisurely pace, stopping to smell the roses along the way and sometimes even carried by their loved ones while you ran as fast as you could. And they win. Not because they are better than you, but because you stopped running.

Regardless of how hard you work, if you don’t think you deserve something you will never get it. My entire life I have worked hard to prove something to myself. I wanted to prove to myself that I was worthy of the things that I desired. I thought that if it was proven to be factual that what I wanted was mine, if I earned my dreams, I would achieve them. But that’s not the way the world works.

I remember in one of my favorite shows, Pushing Daisies, Emerson Cod says, “The truth ain’t like puppies: a bunch running around and you pick your favorite.” But in the real world it is. The truth (other than science without the politics) is mostly a popularity contest. Everyone picks their favorite. Your job is to love your truth through understanding it regardless of how many others love it. Learn who you are and pick your puppy according to your lifestyle regardless of whether it is the runt of the litter or the ugliest puppy you’ve ever seen. Then love it regardless of how many people want to pet it or how many it scares.

Most of us are brought up knowing that we are worthy. Some of us know that we are worthy before it is even known what we want to do with ourselves. Those are the people that make it.

This is why inequalities such as class and race are important. They do things to our impressionable young minds that we carry with us through our adulthood. We minorities live in mediocrity and don’t even truly know why. We aim for the top floor of a skyscraper, even when we deserve the moon. If the moon is what we worked hard for then the moon is what we deserve. The moon is what we should be getting. But we grow up knowing that we need to work twice as hard to get half as much so we aim for that half. Aim for that half and we get even less than the downgraded version of our dreams, because when you grow up struggling it takes hold of you like Stockholm syndrome. You fall in love with the struggle as it takes you into its basement and keeps you hostage.

Life is a race. And it’s you against them. Your job is to train hard enough to not only feel, but know that you will win. Your job is to keep running. My job is to keep running. It is better to walk leisurely and keep going than to run and stop to worry.

October 8, 2014

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I Choose the Road Less Traveled and Now I Do Not Know Where I Am

I never wanted to be a singer. I only wanted to sing. I never wanted to be a speaker I only wanted to speak.

Years ago I was known as a Spoken Word artist. I have not performed in a while and this time I will be singing and speaking.

We all have our mediums. Some are more vague than others. All should be respected. I would like to share my mediums with you.

They are raw and they are real. But it will be shared in a party-like setting with other amazing performers.

All mediums of expression will be displayed this Saturday. From installation art, Spoken Word, Rock, Jazz, Rap, Canvas Art, and Participatory art.

For those of you who have been following me on this journey and live in New York City or are in town this Saturday, I would love to finally meet you.

These are the times I will be performing along with the poems/song:

8 pm

Math a recipe on Honesty

Catch

9 pm

Blood on my mind (phantom limb)

Birthday Truth

10 pm

You and I do not exist

From Experience

10:30 pm

Featured singer in a song with Vertigo

Address:

The Clash House

328 ST MARKS AV

Brooklyn, NY 11238

Date: Saturday October 11th,

Doors Open at 7pm

Tickets $10

http://www.clashhouse.org/home.html

Hope to see you there!

September 17, 2014

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A Vacation Is Not A Break. We Are Not Animals Waiting To Come Out Of Our Cages

This morning I am grateful more than ever to be alive with all my limbs intact. On my recent trip to Trinidad I had a great time with one of my closest friends. I ate shark for the first time, swam in waters where I could see Sharks swimming in the distance, woke up to roosters and enjoyed the beautiful scenery. On the way back from one of the best days in Trinidad on a highway where the speed limit is 80 miles per hour, our car was hit and we spun around and hit a railing in the process. For a second I thought we were about to flip over. But luckily we didn’t.

When something happens so quickly and puts your life at risk, it is good to keep reminding yourself to be grateful. I cannot say that I had an epiphany of any sort. There was no point during exiting the car to frantic screams of “Get out of the car there’s a gas leak!,” where I felt an epiphany. I did not have an epiphany when I was tending to my wounds or when I was shaking that night from shock. But when I got back to my natural New York City habitat I felt a difference. It was in the way I saw the world. My surroundings are less of an oversight to me now.

This, however, is also a side effect of a good vacation. I loathe when I get back from a vacation and people urge me not to dive back into my projects to quickly. Vacations should not be seen as an escape from your daily life. Humans are not animals trapped in cages just waiting for that week or two when they finally get to be free and happy. The purpose of a vacation is to rejuvenate. It is to inspire you to come back to the life you have been living and show up for it. A vacation is the pause button; it is the intermission to an amazing show, because regardless of how amazing the show may be, after 3 hours of sitting down, your butt will hurt, your mouth will feel the dryness and your bladder will want to relieve itself. That is a vacation.

Vacations do not serve to take you away from a horrible life and bring you back only to realize that it is worse than you envisioned it while you were gone. If a vacation makes you feel that way, you should consider moving to the country you visited or quitting the job you dread getting back to.

I am refreshed, grateful to be alive and ready to write, sing and dance. I will be moving closer to the people I love in October. My new home will be equipped with love, my own meditation corner/mini garden and a space for music and art. It was difficult at first for me to move away from my neighborhood as it is home to my childhood and family. However, one must go where there is love waiting for them. And Brooklyn (not Bushwick or Williamsburg) is where I feel the love at the moment.

We are not animals waiting to come out of our cages. We are migrating energies and we must go where the love takes us.