I always wanted to run wild, but was too afraid. When a circus performer learns how to walk the tightrope there is always a safety net waiting below. It is inevitable that they will fall. Only after walking the rope with a net below their feet do they sometimes have the courage to walk without it.
I was forced to go out on the ring without a safety net below my feet, and therefore never took risks. When a bone broke I took care of it both emotionally and physically. There were times where I would twist an ankle and literally keep running in hopes that it would fix itself. Fortunately for me sometimes you do just have to run it off.
Recently I turned 26. At this age I have friends who have been divorced, recently married, just had kids and have experienced a lot of loss. I am very grateful that I have not experienced much of either as of late,because this is the way I plan to live my life for now. But whenever I am asked to fill out a form and there is an option underneath sex that asks me to check a box with my age group I feel like part of the world is collapsing. To skip past the 18-25 age range and click on the 26-35 age group hurts a little. It is not the age that bothers me. It is the fact that I spent my time in the 18-25 age group building my safety net and now that I am able to finally use it I am afraid to do so, because I don’t want to ruin what I have created.
So lately I have decided that I am ready to walk the tightrope. It’s odd how it takes longer for a safety net to be built and placed than it does for you to walk above it. After decades of work I have finally created my net and rather than sit and rest I think it would be best to use it.
It’s best to keep going in life and not become exhausted in the preparation. This is how we forget the reason the net was created in the first place. Not all of us have to build our nets. But nets are there so that they can be used. Peace of mind is great, but regret will make you forget you ever knew peace to begin with.
I will be writing periodically, but not as often this summer. I am currently looking for a band in the NYC area and would like to do more singing. I’ve been a music nomad, but I would love to have a group with which I can connect and make music regularly. A group without competition or mean-girl attitudes. A group that loves music and life more than they love the spotlight. A collection of soul, funk and rock.
It is time for the metaphorical beat to drop in my life. Maybe I will skydive into a desert next year, maybe not. But I will sure as hell try.