comments 9

Player One: The Serial Dater

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On summer days I used to play tag with the boys and on summer nights I would play video games with my three older brothers. One day I noticed that something was off.  On a hot summer day during a game of tag I realized that I was being chased.

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I know it sounds normal seeing as I was playing tag after all, but I wasn’t it! So why was everyone chasing me? Me, who wore the baggiest pants? Flat-chested, ponytail-wearing, NOT-IT me?  It was the first time that being a girl stopped me from doing something I enjoy.  I had all these boys chasing me to ask me out when all I wanted was to play tag. That was the last day I ever played tag. That day is ingrained in my memory as the day I was forced to make a decision; I either change the way I am or I find a way around it. I decided to do a little bit of both.

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The next summer I secluded myself in my home. When asked by my teachers what I did that summer, all I had was a list of books I read and zombie games I completed. I was not allowed to go outside with the older guys (brothers included), because my mother believed playing with them was too dangerous and boys my age thought play time was a fitting time to ask a girl out.

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(That never happened, my parents never took us on vacations. Lucky Me?!) 

My only opportunity to be around people that I could be myself with was to date them. From an early age I became a serial dater. Like most teenagers, I didn’t truly know why I did the things I did. All I knew was what I wanted and how badly I wanted it.  And much like any other teenager, all I wanted was to have friends.

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( Name of the game: Hot concrete ) 

My first kiss was with a boy who is now one of my best friends.  Our hand holding was just a way to mask our strong friendship. I just wanted to be around the guys. Having a boyfriend in the group was a magical shield that kept others from looking at me as uncharted territory.

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(“Please, don’t! Your homeboy is my boyfriend”) 

In my younger teenage years I found myself being hated by some of the guy friends due to a lack of maturity and understanding that a girl can simply “hang” with the boys.  However, years later I would see them again and in our eyes it was all sibling rivalry and even if I would grow apart from the ex that introduced me, his friends and I would keep in touch.

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Although I have worked extremely hard to find a balance, I am still not able to have as many guy friends as I would like. Being in a relationship and having friends of the opposite sex is not so easy. My bond with males is a brotherly bond. It is a strong part of who I am. It is the only thing I knew and when in doubt it is the only thing I know.

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The reason I write is to understand my actions and values on a deeper level.  The reason I write is to understand.  Although I am no longer player one: The serial dater, I would like to keep my teammates around (Those who I have met along the way, not those who I’ve dated, as some relationships will never be the same). I would like to connect with those alongside whom I have played the game of life with…I want my brothers back.

 

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9 Comments

  1. Pingback: Player One: The Serial Dater | Quarter Vida

  2. thenarcissistwrites

    We write for the same reasons. Look forward to reading more from you 🙂

  3. This game of love and friendship. It’s a hard one. I am not a serial dater. In my 27 years, I have only dated 3 times. I don’t date one whom I don’t love. But that also makes it hard to be friends with Ex’s as it makes the healing and moving on process hard. I never go back. I can’t go back.

    • That is an interesting perspective. To me dating is getting to know the person. Even if it never gets physical. I do have a few Ex’s that I no longer speak to, but because they were not good friends to begin with. I believe that friendship should be the base of all relationships.

      • I have had a friend refer to that kind of dating before. I believe that is how one ends up as per your title. I can make friends and for some even sometimes a kiss has to happen to break the sexual tension. But after that we can now work on the real friendship. From experience at large, people who are dating are not so real with each other. Friends on the other hand are. They rarely have anything to hide. But yes I do agree with you. A great friendship is the best foundation for a great dating relationship. But we are all young in this world. And with each new experience we learn some more. I embrace every new teaching, every new mistake and every new lesson and use it to model who I am. Truth is. I will never be a finished product. All one can do is move on and tweak themselves some more. Just make sure it’s for the betterment of you and others.

  4. I dated this one girl for seven years and we grew incredible close as you can guess later we broke up, she when with one of my best friends yet I didn’t hate them. Because he is lucky to have her and she lucky to find someone that makes her happy, today we all hang out and play games together, he is the best player out all of us, but I grown close enough to him like brother

    • That is amazing! Says a lot about the mature and giving person that you are. I would never be able to be that close to someone after dating them for seven years. I remain friends with some ex’s , however some breakups you cannot get back from. Wish you the best!

      • Thank you, it just sometimes we learn that the relationship didn’t work out one way may increase in another, I don’t even consider her my ex just friend now

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